Alone.

I never expected to be alone. As far as I knew, I would always have someone. I would always have you. I suppose I was wrong, as I have been wrong many times before. I just wish that I was right this one time.

When you left, I’m not sure how I could explain it. Painful. Confusing. Depressing. I had so many emotions going through my head and surging through my body. My stomach was doing flips, just like it is as I write this, and it was twisting in knots. Giving me the impression of being nauseated.

I try to tell myself that all we went through was just a memory and that it isn’t that big of a deal. But I know that it was. It was a huge deal. To me at least. I don’t know how you can just leave me all alone like this and not feel any remorse.

If I could find the right words to describe what goes through my mind everyday, I could probably scare therapists. My mind, what goes through my mind, my thoughts, are all mixed within themselves. Broken pieces. Broken memories. Scattered across my internal universe. Like stars that are dying out.

I’m going to be a bit cliche when I type this but I would like to say, if I could go back and change something so that I wouldn’t be alone, I would.

Alone is the worst feeling to be. It feels like drowning. Suffocating. When you’re all alone you have no one to hold on to. No one to confide in. It is as though the world is your enemy. As if you’re not wanted by anyone. It is like you’re the biggest disappointment no matter what you do, your best isn’t good enough.

It makes me feel a bit helpless. As if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but no longer how fast or long I run, I never make it to the light. As though I’m running in place going no where. Everything seems so useless now. Time is just passing me by and I am standing there watching it go. Nothing to be happy about anymore because there is no one to celebrate with.

Being alone, feeling alone, the silence, hurts worse than anything anyone can do to you.

It leaves you empty.