I get these chills. When I drink, when I eat, when I breathe, when I sleep. When I move, when I sit still, and even when I just sit back and think.

Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t. Sometime they don’t have any feeling at all. As if I can see them going on but it doesn’t feel like it is my body that it is happening to.

Usually just my body hurts. Even without the chills. Aches and pains in my body as if I just got done working out and my body just wants rest. While writing this my right lung hurts. My legs feel sore, my stomach is like a stabbing pain. No matter how much sleep I get, my eyes just want to close and get more sleep.

The coughing makes it worse.

The fact that no one believes me, according to them I’m just a hypochondriac, that makes it the worst.

Worse than the pain in my ribs and lungs every time I breathe, worse than when my legs give out on me when I walk. Worse than the shooting pain that starts in my knee and moves up and radiates in my hip before making its way up the rest of my side and sometimes down my arm.

Aches and pains I deal with everyday.

That isn’t including the fact that I can’t stand for very long. I can’t put my arms above my head for longer than a few seconds. Not without getting dizzy.

But the worst thing that happens, out of all the pains, the worst I feel is standing up.

Every time I stand up, no matter how fast or slow I go, my mind goes blank, my eyes stay fixed forward, I get a tingling feeling throughout my whole body before my body goes completely numb. I can still move but I can’t see where I’m going. Lights fill in front of my eyes until I can’t see at all. My body moves in slow motion. I feel like I am drowning and out of breath but I am breathing perfectly fine. It feels like pressure is pushing against my chest, my body panics, I fall over sometimes it happens. But usually, I just keep walking as if nothing is going on so no one will notice. Sometimes I can’t do that though since my body loses its balance very easily.

It has been going on for years so I have just learned to live with it since no one believes me. Or the blame it on other things. When I was a vegetarian, it was because I was a vegetarian. When I stopped it was because I was a vegetarian for so long. When I didn’t drink the recommended amount of water a day it was because i was dehydrated, when I drank the amount you should drink a day, then it was because I drank too much.

Always an excuse but never a reason.

Sad thing is, I’ve gotten so good at hiding it, most people don’t even notice it is happening.